Monday, December 15, 2014

心傷

已經持續好幾年。登山後、受壓力,心胸就隱隱作痛。近來甚至痛到錐心,要立時從辦公桌站起來,跑到廁所休息,而其實又制止不了什麼。

「點可能無得醫?」前老闆怪叫。批准轉職,介紹醫生。檢查一輪,意見跟前些時見的大夫一樣,Inconclusive(唯一收穫是知道自己比想像中高,有170cm,沾沾自喜。)。在專科眼裏,唔死得就無謂醫,看那個表情,心裏甚至認定我誇大:有無咁岩重呀?

感覺不通最難傳。心痛還容易定奪,因為心臟長在我的身體內,心電圖不能抹殺我的知覺,痛在我身無奈也沒法讓對方親身感受 。但世間有更多事情難以說得清--堅持得了70多天,堅持得了一輩子麼?

白痴的人說你無知,合該回家湊仔(湊仔有甚麼好辱罵呢?任何人也是老母湊大的。);
收錢做事的人,說人收取了外國的好處;
拿着棍子的人,說別人撐傘是暴力
示威區不能示威;
點出國王新衣的人犯了法;
手執惡法的人才是守法。

人們就是習慣以己度人。歪論聽了一百遍,漸漸自己都懷疑自己。


相信自己不能登頂,
相信應該離開某個崗位,
相信一段關係不是一廂情願,
相信一場運動本意是和平有愛,
此時此刻,才驚覺某議員說得對,「自己相信,就見到證據,唔信就生安白造」。

一切一切,
只有自己相信。



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